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If & When

by Lana Winterhalt

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1.
If you were mine I wouldn't need silver or gold If you were mine I wouldn't be afraid of growing old If you were mine I wouldn't need anything If you were mine, if you were mine If you were mine my skies would always be blue If you were mine the flowers would always be in bloom If you were mine my heart would always be glowing If you were mine, if you were mine If you were mine I would feel sparkling and weightless, forever, for all of time
2.
The Dark 04:22
In the dark, in the dark In the dark I seem to find my madness In the dark, in the dark, in the dark I find relief Dim the lights, close my eyes, I want to feel romantic Close the blinds so that I can manufacture my own release Kill my conscience, numb the truth In the dark in the dark, in the dark I find I'm walking backwards Clench my fists, brace myself, for the fall I can't forsee Break my neck, break my arms so I can't get better 'Cause when I'm healed I'll go back and manufacture my own release Feed my conscience with the truth I will leave my youth will follow me into my brightest years Years will fade away, my friend, my foe, despite my brightest days In the dark, in the dark , in the dark I find my madness In the dark, in the dark, in the dark I find relief In the dark, in the dark, I find I'm walking backward In the dark, in the dark, in the dark I find release
3.
Maybe I’m confused from all the voices in my head maybe I'm confused from all the things we left unsaid Or maybe I'm just tired, maybe I’m just tired Maybe I have realized we weren’t quite prepared Maybe I was young and you were dumb and we were scared Or maybe I’m just tired Maybe I’m just tired You don’t want me like I want you Like I want you to You don’t need me like I need you Like I need you to Maybe I was reading into every little glance Maybe I was foolish when I thought I had a chance Justify your cold shoulder, maybe you are just tired? You don’t want me like I want you Like I want you to You don’t need me like I need you Like I need you to Oh I need some time to reconcile you heart and mine Oh I need some space to find the words that bring you grace Oh I need some time to reconcile you heart and mine Oh I need some space to find the words that bring you grace You don’t want me like I want you Like I want you to You don’t need me like I need you Like I need you to
4.
I’ll buy two tickets to anywhere, please come with me I’m so sick of these rich white kids talking like they have all the answers, we’re all just fools You ask me how I’m doing, I don’t want to scare you I am starting to understand why people wanna float through the ceiling so I tell you I’m okay But if I stand tall enough, I can almost see the light I wrote a poem while you were sleeping, I never do that Im afraid if I don’t get all my words out before I fall asleep, my dreams will haunt me I think I’m going to quit my job, even though I like it I’m afraid to walk downtown with strangers I know nothing about Will I be on the news? But if I stand tall enough, I can almost see the light I think we should move away from Winnipeg? Or is it like this everywhere, and I’m just unaware But if I stand tall enough, I can almost see the light And if I reach far enough, I can almost feel the warmth And I think I’m just one of those rich white kids that I tried to get away from
5.
Believe Me 01:35
Believe me, I tried to offer you the very best Believe me, I tried to give you what you needed
6.
Dream 03:33
Lay down your weapons and lay down your pride Take off your armor I’m sure you’ll be fine Give me your secrets and I’ll give you mine And we’ll dream side by side And we’ll dream side by side And we’ll Dream And we’ll Dream And we’ll Dream Opened my heart so that you’d come inside Don’t be afraid I promise to be kind Give me your secrets and I’ll give you mine And we’ll Dream And we’ll Dream And we’ll Dream And we’ll Dream You don’t have to worry You’ll never be lonely I’ll be your baby Give me your secrets and I’ll give you mine
7.
Tell me it'll be okay when I get up tomorrow Tell me that the sun will shine on me, it's okay Tell me that the time will come when this will all be over Tell me that the sun will shine on me, it's okay
8.
I’m happy now I’ve got a boy who makes me feel alright I don’t need you, but I’m wondering how you’re doing Do you still remember me like I remember you Do you think of me when you hear that Beatles song on the radio I wanna know are you doing okay? Did the things that you hope for all turn out that way? I wanna know are you doing okay? Did the things that you hope for all turn out that way? I still have that picture from our first date We were both a little bit skinnier back then, than we are now But I kept it ‘cuz it reminds me of the way that we felt It really wasn’t anything special, just your high school romance that lasted the summer But I still get fire in my cheeks when I see a car like yours I wanna know are you doing okay? Did the things that you hope for all turn out that way? I wanna know are you doing okay? Did the things that you hope for all turn out that way? You weren’t the one, and we weren’t in love But you gave me what I needed, for a little while I miss your hair and the way that we laughed I don’t wanna be your girl, but it was nice for a while I miss your stories, and the way that you talked about your parents romance Like it was everything good in the world I miss your smile and the way you made life feel so innocent and beautiful And I don’t wanna be your girl but you gave me so much I wanna know are you doing okay? Did the things that you hope for all turn out that way? I wanna know are you doing okay? Did the things that you hope for all turn out that way?
9.
Since I was a young girl My heart yearned for something Something it couldn’t create And as I got older I bent over backwards Stretching to see what they saw And the movies told me he would sweep me off my feet And my history showed me how to accept defeat Like silver and gold, my heart longs for things it’s never known My soul sings for imaginary things like silver and gold Now maybe like the old days I could learn contentment With less than I thought was alive Or maybe in my old age I'll have learnt the beauty In living a life alone And the radio told me I should give it all away And the movies taught me he may come, but he won’t stay Like Silver and gold, my heart longs for things it’s never known My soul sings for imaginary things like silver and gold, silver and gold, silver and gold Hopeless, I found you and you found me, and you showed me True heartbreak, and true healing, and memories, worth feeling In speaking and being, I feel it, within me And I wonder, could this be what all my songs are about? Silver and Gold, my heart longs for things it’s never known My soul sings for imaginary things Like silver and gold
10.
And for now, I don't have any more songs of a heartbreak of my own 'cause you gave me a home If, and when, the dust resettles on our bones I'll sing you back home, oh It'll be sweet, and loud, and I'll remind you you're my silver and gold You make me unafraid of growing old The sky is blue, the flowers bloom, and you are mine You are mine You are mine You are mine

credits

released October 12, 2018

Produced by Elessar Thiessen in Winnipeg, MB, CAN.
All instrumentation by Lana Winterhalt, Elessar Thiessen, and Janaya Salmond.
Copyright Lana Winterhalt Music 2018, all rights reserved.

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Lana Winterhalt Winnipeg, Manitoba

Indie-pop musician producer from Winnipeg, Manitoba.

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